Category Archives: Food Glorious Food

Guest Post: Punk Rock Wedding Cake by the Vampire Cake Baker

Greetings Holy Handcrafter Readers,

I am the recipient of a number of wonderful and holy handcrafts and in return have submitted some pictures of my baking for your perusal.

As a vampire, I find that I have to spend most days hidden away inside as my pale complexion cannot take the sun. I don’t like the taste of people, and so the vampire cake baker was born. My cake makes people do my bidding, and friends don’t find your staying in during the day suspicious if you bring them cake in the evening.

This is a cake I made for the beautiful wedding of two such friends. The bottom layer is raspberry and vanilla marble cake  (made of course with fresh raspberries making a lovely pink swirl), the next is a lemon cake, followed by a simple vanilla sponge, and the top (only eaten by the bride and groom) was awesomely chocolaty. Don’t choose one cake – HAVE THEM ALL!

I highlighted the stars and piping with sparkle dust, because no one can ever have enough edible sparkles, in my opinion. The cake topper of the King and Queen of hearts was the happy couples’ idea, and looked amazing.

This cake kept me out of the sun for a good few weeks, and left me nice and pale for the wedding.

I go back to the shadows now,

Vampire Cake Baker

……oh, and yes, I do turn into a bat – just big enough to steal cupcakes from those who are not vigilant. Mwaaa haaa haa haaa haa.

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Lentil Soup

Mmmmmm

Mmmmmm

Those of your who have been subjected to blessed with my fabulous home cooking are bound to recognise this lentil soup. It’s one of my favourites and I make it quite a lot.

Here’s how to make some for yourself:

Ingredients (serves 4)

  • olive oil
  • 1 cup of dried red lentils
  • 1 small onion (I like red best)
  • 1 birdseye chili
  • 3 cloves of garlic
  • half a pepper
  • 1 large carrot
  • 2 sticks of celery
  • a large handful of fresh coriander
  • 1 tablespoon of cumin seeds
  • 2 teaspoons of paprika
  • 1 vegetable oxo cube or knorr premium veg stock (see photo)
  • dried mixed herbs (basil, oregano and thyme)
  • salt and pepper
  • lemon juice
  • tabasco sauce

Chop chop chop

Chop chop chop

And here’s what to do:

Put a little bit of olive oil in a large saucepan and add the chopped onion and crushed garlic. Let it cook on a medium heat for a minute or two.

Add the cumin and paprika.

Hack the rest of your vegetables (celery, pepper, chili and carrot) into teeny tiny cubes and put them in the saucepan with the onion and garlic. Fry them until they’re a little bit soft.

Pretty colours

Pretty colours

Add the dried herbs, a squeeze of lemon and a cup of red lentils.

Using the same cup, measure out 2 cups of water and 1 cup of vegetable stock (dissolve it in the water) and add that too. Add as much salt, pepper and tabasco as you want.

Cover and let it boil on a low heat for about 20 minutes or until the lentils are soft and a kind of golden yellow colour.

Stir in the fresh coriander, stick something interesting on top* and serve.

Lentil soup and homemade bread

Lentil soup and homemade bread

*Interesting stuff to stick on top:

Soya bacon flavour bits
More fresh coriander (I am a coriander fiend)
Greek yoghurt
Balsamic vinegar
Garlic dough balls
Japanese chili seasoning
Cheddar cheese

Hope you like it :)

HH x

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Monster Cake

Grumpy Monster

Grumpy Monster

This grumpy little monster was another Helen and Sophie creation, this time in honour of Loocy Goose’s birthday.

Monster Tail

Monster Tail

I mentioned that the Invader Zim cake was stripey inside, right? Well this is what I meant…

Stripey Cake!

Stripey Cake!

I think he looks grumpy because he knows he’s about to be eaten. He did get his revenge on us though – I think everyone left feeling slightly queasy from all the sugar and food colouring, which is a damn fine way to do a birthday party in my humble opinion!

The stripes inside are made by sandwiching 4 different coloured cakes together with jam – really simple but really effective. Also totally worth the look on Loocy’s face when she cut it open (she was the only one who didn’t realise that Helen and I were up to something).

The outside is buttercream again, which works really nicely for sandwiching 4 cakes together because it’s so thick.

Thanks go to the Vampire Cake Baker for her help and advice on this one, look out for a few of her creations sneaking their way onto my blog in the future…

HH x

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Invader Zim Cake

BOW TO MY CAKE, PITIFUL HUMANS!

BOW TO MY CAKE, PITIFUL HUMANS!

This is a cake that Helen Thrillroy and I made for Cute and Evil Pixie’s birthday.

It’s a gluten free cake with buttercream icing and all the decorations on it are made from marzipan with food colouring kneaded into it. Helen made the tiny gnomes – I bow to  her superior marzipan sculpting skillz :)

The cake was purple and green striped inside, which we did by layering three different cakes.

For those of you who are wondering, it’s the house from Invader Zim which looks like this:

Zims House

Zim's House

MARVEL AT MY CAKE, COMPUTER DRONES!

*ahem*

HH x

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